I don't have cable but when I heard about Lupita wining the Best Supporting Actress at the Oscars I was excited! Social media quickly started to quote her and I quickly jumped on my computer and You tube the video (love me some Youtube). I also have Matthew McConaughey's speech which, I LOVVVVED. It was so inspiring and true! Enoy!
So I was watching this show called Blood, Sweat & Heels, on Bravo. You might have already been hipped to the show already. One of the episodes the ladies which, are in there late twenties to late thirties shared about "snooping" on their man. One of the characters (I called them characters because they are acting a little for me. Watch for yourself) blogged about the other ladies conversation on snooping or investigating on their boyfriends. For one of the other ladies/characters who was written about in the blog shared that she snooped and FOUND OUT that her man was cheating. Now, from Demetria the bloggers perceptive, she was like, if you can't trust him then you need to loose him. The blogger also said, on the show she NEVER snooped. NOW! the other ladies that were blogged about did not believe Demetria the blogger.
Below is the post from Belle in Brooklyn. Check it out yourself:
Over the weekend, I attended a brunch where I had an interesting discussion with a few women, some of who hold a rather cynical view of relationships. The cynics believed that all men are capable cheating, and further this makes them justified in snooping through emails, cell phones, voicemails and stalking her significant other (and all potentials for the position) on social media. Their position: if you don’t check that a man is cheating, then how do you really know he isn’t?
Admittedly, this outlook isn’t exactly farfetched. According to a study on Men’s Fitness, 70 percent of women do an online search before agreeing to go out with a guy, and 63 percent of guys do the same before going on a first date. The same poll also found that 49 percent of women have checked their lover’s computer history, and 76 percent go through the e-mail inbox if it’s “accidentally” left open.
If you’ve ever read anything I’ve written on cheating and snooping, then you know my position: this is ludicrous. All of it.
Do all men have capability of cheating? Of course. (All women do too.) Do all men– or women– cheat? No. There are people, including men, who don’t. There is a type of person who is or becomes dissatisfied or just desires what you aren’t offering and they leave to explore other horizons as a single person who can do as they please with no accountability to anyone but themselves. That’s the type of person we should all desire to be with.
If that’s not the type of person you believe you are with, snooping is still not okay. Here’s the thing, digging through pockets and cracking passwords is a sign that you don’t trust your mate. Trust (and communication) are the core foundations of any relationship. If you lack trust, then I have to wonder why you are there. And further, if you believe all men cheat and you’re not okay with cheating, then why do you even want a man? If you have this outlook, either you putting up with cheating or staying with a man who cheats is the inevitable outcome, no?
I threw that logic out there and was met with this: D, you can’t really know if a man is cheating unless you check. You should respect yourself enough to want to know the whole truth.
To which I countered: you should have more faith in yourself enough to pick a good mate and know when something’s up.
One of the women shot back that she was once engaged– her first of four times– after six months of dating. Via snooping she found that the man she was betrothed to had a long-term girlfriend. She said she had no suspicions that there was another woman; she was just going through her routine look-see into his emails. “How else would I have known about her if I hadn’t looked?” she asked.
I countered that if she dated him longer– you know how I feel about dating for seasons to get to know people– she more than likely would have found out. I also think there were some major signs she must have overlooked. He’s juggling two serious relationships and she had no clue whatsoever that something was amiss?
Another woman added that she snooped on her ex and discovered that he had four women on the side. She knew something was up when they had plans to return home after a vacation, and suddenly he had to fly to another destination “for business.” So she snooped, found about the other women, and actually gave a call to at least one of them for more information.
“For what?” I asked.
She wanted details.
“But why did they matter?”
I was so baffled by her admission that I don’t remember her answer. (My core view on calling another woman to ask about your man is that is her man, not “yours”. I mean, she has more information on “your” alleged man than you do, right?)
Back to that first “thing” though: if you genuinely think your partner is lying, then whether they are or not is irrelevant. It’s still time to go, either to the exit, or if it’s worth it, to a therapist. A relationship without trust is inherently dysfunctional, and going nowhere fast.
I wish more women would recognize this, this being that it’s okay to just trust themselves. There’s no need to reduce yourself to a a crazed super-sleuth by digging through emails and social media platforms. They’re making a simple issue unnecessarily complicated. Trust yourself to pick a good mate. If you can’t trust him, leave. Find someone you can trust, and if you can’t do that, head to a therapist– it’s not the domain of a life coach– who can help you deal with your own trust issues.
And this leads me to a second thing: What if you snoop– with no intentions of getting caught, of course– and find nothing… but then your partner finds out you’re snooping? That’s a huge violation, a flashing red sign that you don’t trust him, and a sign that he can’t trust you. What kind of relationship is that?
The last women that were in the news snooping that we can recall was Rihanna and Evelyn (Basketball Wives). Disclaimer: I am not saying what happened to them was justified.
My question to you is, have you ever snooped/investigate on your signfigant other? What was the outcome after? Good or bad?
Last week was about getting things done! I was off from work ( still did work from home) and my wash machine dial came off! I quickly called my dad (my super hero) and asked him what I should do...he advised me to call a repair company. I called and they came out.
My boyfriend was nice enough to stay for me during the window time since
I had errands to run and doctor visits. The repair man diagnose the problem and told my boyfriend that this was an easy problem to fix. The only thing was, if he fixed it, it would cost me over $200.00. He quickly told my boyfriend that we could do it ourselves and it would take 5 minutes and only $23.00!
The repair man (nice man) called the store to see if they had the part for the machine, they did. Then, he wrote other instructions told my boyfriend that he did not have it in his heart to charge us for something that we could easily do ourselves at a low cost.
I was running around all day, taking care of things and spending money on getting things done. That same week I was even having car trouble and need to get something repaired on my car that was costing over $500.00!
My boyfriend left me a message and told me to call him right away! When I called him he told me the story and I was like, "THANK YOU JESUS!" My boyfriend tried to give the nice repair man some money in his pocket, he refused. Then, he tried to give him a Starbucks gift card someone gave him, the man refused. He told my boyfriend, " it was nice not knowing not him, and have have great day"
After, having a day of swiping the debit card to getting things done (I can give you a list) this news was music to my hears! I don't know what you would call him, my angel maybe, because God must have certainly heard my cry for the money I was spending that day!
I don't know who he is, but I know the strength and blessing of God when I see it. I thank Him and I will now pay it forward.
I have a month until my thirty third birthday. I am not afraid of turning a year older. I feel like I should be getting better with age. I did however, start exercising for two reasons:
1. I want to be healthy
2. It was on my plan for 2014
This is what I know:
1. It is something you have to make a habit. My friend told me that you don't recieve an applause for brushing your teeth. It is something you do out of habit. When you don't brush your teeth you feel bad, or different. Exercising is something that you just have to do. It has to be a habit. ( I hope that makes sense).
2. One day at a time. I know that I am not going to gain the six-pack over night, and I might crave sweets, but I have to realize that this is a journey. It is about being healthy.
3. I also found an accountability partner, who I text when I finish working out and what I have eaten for the day. Some people might feel like that is too much, but you have to know what works best for you. I know that I will sometimes slack in this department so I need someone holding me accountable.
4. The true test is when I go back to work and I feel lazy about going to the gym after work, or making Ok, I have to change my language/attitude about working out. When I go back to work I will be committed to going to the gym twice a week. 5. I have started to plan out my meals ahead of time. This is because, I don't want to eat junk food and want to make sure I am not hungry.
6. Working out helps me to clear my mind!
I will keep you posted with the journey. Please share any advice you might have for this sister. Stay tuned I will post a kale salad I love having for lunch.
It's a snowy day here on the east coast. I made my to-do list and on that list was to make my co-workers, friends, family and Papa Bear a cute little gift for Valentine's day. I got the idea after reading Camille Styles blog. This is a practical gift and it does not have to only be for Cupid. See below. Materials:
1. Cut out your heart. I used a stencil to make my perfect heart on white paper
2. Cut your heart out
3. You want your paper to fit tightly around your tin can.
4. Hold your tin can at an angle and use your pray paint to lightly cover your heart
5. The secret is to let the paint dry fully
6. Carefully take off the paper
7. Use a drill to make holes around the heart
8. Light your candle and place it in your can
9. Final enjoy the fruit of your labor
10. Don't forget to share the idea with others
Photo credit: Njeru
Papa Bear helping to drill the holes in the tin can
Oscar Wilde said: Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.